Yesterday my wife Shannon and I gave our semi-annual dating talk in college class.  If you missed it, feel free to download it on the website (http://www2.grace-bible.org/downloads/sermons/sermons.asp).

At the end of the talk we took a few questions from students, but we didn't have time to answer all of them.  For the next few weeks I'm going to post answers to some of the leftover questions, as well as some common questions we've received on this topic over the years.  Feel free to post follow-up questions or even new questions in the comments section.

One question we received yesterday that comes up frequently:

Is it okay to enter a dating relationship if I'm not interested in marriage?

I'm assuming here that you don't mean that you never intend to get married, but that you simply know ahead of time that you aren't interested in marrying the particular person you are interested in dating. I'm also assuming that we're talking about a young adult here, a college student or older.  My answer might vary if I were talking to high school students.

The Bible does not directly address your question, but in evaluating this situation I would ask a couple of questions:

-Do you really already know that you would never marry this person? If so, why? There is something attracting you to him or her, whether good looks or a great personality or some other trait. Few people (if any) enter a relationship certain of the future outcome, but you seem to already know that the relationship will not end in marriage. That makes me wonder if there is some factor disqualifying this person from consideration -- perhaps he or she is not a Christian or has some negative character traits.

-If the person is disqualified from being a future marriage partner, then why do you want to spend so much time with him or her in a romantic way? I suppose there could be a variety of reasons for this -- perhaps you get something out of the relationship (fun, affirmation, pleasure, etc.) or perhaps you feel you are positively contributing to the other person in some way (helping his/her self-esteem, sharing the Gospel, etc.). If you are dating the person to meet your own needs with no intention of marriage, isn't that a bit selfish?  You want to squeeze the fun out of the relationship even though you know you will eventually break up. On the other hand, if you are in it to help the other person, do you think he or she will really appreciate your generosity after the break-up? There are numerous ways to encourage and build another person up without engaging in a long-term romantic relationship.

It seems that this is a relationship destined to cause pain for one or both parties in the long run. You might feel that you can remain objective and avoid falling in love, but are you sure the other person can? Are you even truly sure that you can?

Shannon and I used Proverbs 3:3 as our overarching principle yesterday: "Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." It's just tough for me to see how it is kind or truthful to enter a relationship with another person knowing for certain that you intend to end it after your needs are met.

As young adults, you are at the stage of your life when dating ought to have a purpose -- to determine whether the other person is a suitable marriage partner, and to see if you are one as well. You don't need to know on the first date, or even on the 50th date, but the relationship should be making progress in that direction, in my opinion.  If it's clearly not going that way, it's probably best to end it now before causing further pain to yourself and the other person.

Do you have other thoughts on the subject? Any other questions you'd like to see us address on here?