Why Accountability Groups Often Fail
You don't have to read the news for long before running across stories of prominent Christian leaders who have fallen into immorality. Quite often the scandals involve sexual sin, but sometimes they relate to financial misappropriation or just plain dishonesty. One recent illustration is the pastor in Pennsylvania who was caught lying about his supposed history as a Navy Seal. The sad tale of Bishop Eddie Long is an example of the more commonly reported pitfall of sexual failure. And it isn't only pastors and leaders who fall -- ordinary Christians fail as well, with equally tragic consequences for their families and communities. It just doesn't usually make the national news.
Anytime something like this happens, there are those in the Christian community who ask," Why was nobody holding this man or woman accountable?" The belief is that if he or she had been in small group of people who asked tough questions, then this devastating fall might not have happened.
There is some truth in that assumption -- in fact, I am in an accountability group with two close friends. None of us wants to be another example of failure, so we meet weekly to ask hard questions and pray for one another. We also keep in touch throughout the week in case there are struggles that require immediate prayer or counsel. I believe in Christian accountability.
But such groups don't always work. I have known several people who were in accountability groups, but for some reason the group had no effect on their behavior. What goes wrong in such cases? I have a few ideas:
- The composition of the group isn't right. In order to work well, the group has to be composed of people you respect but who you don't fear too much. There needs to be a little bit of fear about confessing your sin, but not so much that you're tempted to lie on a regular basis. If you're too impressed with the members of your group, you're not likely to be honest. On the other hand, if you feel too comfortable then confession will just become another ritual with no teeth. (I think this is probably why many groups fail when a high-profile member is involved -- nobody wants to upset the famous guy by holding his feet to the fire).
- The group only meets once a week to confess failures that have already occurred. And it often happens in a shallow way. One member admits to looking at pornography last Tuesday and the others shake their heads and express sympathy without exploring why this happened and how it can change in the future. No mechanisms are put in place to help the struggling brother or sister before the failure occurs. The most effective groups keep an open line of communication throughout the week. My group has a standing agreement that if one of needs prayer, we can text the other guys at any time of the day or night to ask. It helps keep the accountability constant even when we're not in the same room.
- The group doesn't trust each other. If there is any worry that the information shared in the group will be passed along to outsiders, people will quickly clam up and the group's effectiveness is destroyed.
- People simply lie. Even in the best groups, I'm convinced that people lie sometimes. Nobody is completely honest with himself, much less with other people. But the best groups learn how to stifle the temptation of self-protection in order for the long-term spiritual benefit of accountability. As the old adage goes, "Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the reputation." Those who value reputation over spiritual growth will ultimately lose both.
- Trust and accountability take time to develop. I've been meeting with the same group now for nearly five years. It probably took one or two years before we developed enough trust for it to work really well. Most people give up on the process too quickly and decided that the whole exercise is a waste of time. I'd encourage you to keep with it for the long haul (if possible) and you'll begin to see the benefits.
I'd love to see dramatic stories of failure disappear from the news. I'd love it if Christians were known for honesty, transparency, and moral purity. I think accountability can help that process if it is done well and if the people involved are serious about it.
What suggestions would you give to an accountability group? Anything you've seen work well that you'd like to share?
[Image via http://storyfanatic.com/articles/story-analysis/the-pacific-vs-band-of-brothers]
June 27th, 2011 - 10:26
Hey Matt… thanks for writing this article!. It’s a great list. Each point is dead on. I’ve see accountability groups fail (or lack effectiveness) for most of those reasons.
Two things I’d add to the list would be:
1. Groups where everyone is struggling in the same area. This often leads to everyone failing to deal with each other’s sins because they would have to deal with their’s too. “If I tell you to stop doing _____, then you might tell me to stop too!”
2. A wrong understanding of the gospel/grace/depravity/sin. Accountability groups can easily turn into morality pep rallies… just a group of friends who tell each other to try harder and do better. Obviously, this quickly becomes legalism, if not saturated with a right view of sin and self and a grace motivation for holiness. Just like legalism crushes us… it crushes groups too. A guy I used to meet with for accountability taught us to go around the circle before our accountability meeting, and we would each say “Christ alone, and not my works, makes me righteous before God.”
June 27th, 2011 - 11:43
Great thoughts, Kevin! Your second one in particular is insightful — a biblical understanding of righteousness is critical for lasting change.
June 27th, 2011 - 12:04
Matt, do you think sin will disappear “if the people involved are serious about it”? Because that’s what we’re talking about, right? Sin?
Kevin’s second point is a good one. Too often, accountability groups have little to do with the Gospel, and everything to do with the Law. This is, in short, an insane thing for a group of Christians gathered together. The Law has a place, of course: it leads us to the Gospel. But a group that merely discusses how good you’ve been leads people to one of two inevitable conclusions: “I’m doing pretty well for myself,” or utter despair.
I think a proper application of the Gospel would address several of the problems you pointed to, Matt. Perfect love drives out fear, and the message of God’s perfect love through Christ *for you* drives away the fear of confessing sin to our fellow sinners.
Of course, a proper application of the Gospel, sadly, is not something that many laypersons are good at. Which is why historically, the Church ultimately placed confession (and absolution, which is what we’re ultimately talking about here) under the pastor. Not that laypeople can’t also do this — indeed, they should; most notably fathers for their families — but that the pastor is properly trained in the application of Law and Gospel for sinners.
June 27th, 2011 - 12:51
Todd, I’ve looked at my post again and can’t find where I’ve said that I think sin will disappear if the people are serious about it. I did say there were benefits to seriously committing to accountability within a community of believers, but not that it would make sin disappear.
Is it possible you’ve imported a presupposition about accountability groups into the discussion and placed it in my mouth?
I don’t think such groups are for the purpose of just talking about how good (or bad) we’ve been, either. They are for the purpose of spiritual growth in the context of community. Confession is a part of that, but my second point is intended to convey that confession is not the whole ball of wax.
Sin is a symptom of a failure to properly apply the Gospel, I agree. To be honest, though, I don’t trust myself to properly apply it in a vacuum apart from the input of fellow believers who know and care for me. Maybe that’s why there are exhortations like Hebrews 10:23-25 for us to continue spurring one another one toward love and good deeds, in the context of meeting together. (Incidentally, I indicated my agreement with Kevin’s second point in my reply to his comment — my post isn’t clear enough on the issue of law vs. grace — I guess that’s an example of why it’s good to have a community to hold us accountable).
The Roman Catholic Church has traditionally placed confession under the authority of a priest, but the Protestant Reformation actually contradicted that concept by insisting upon the priesthood of all believers (1 Peter 2:9). The idea is that there is no special subset of Christians capable of hearing another person’s confession, but that we are all responsible to care for the spiritual health of our brothers and sisters in Christ. Growth ultimately comes from the Holy Spirit, of course, but the community plays a critical role.
June 27th, 2011 - 13:05
Matt, I quoted your words before, but let me now quote them more fully. You said,
How will these things — the disappearance of news stories on Christian failings, the reputation for moral purity — happen while sin still remains?
June 27th, 2011 - 13:13
Todd-
I don’t think Matt meant “disappear” in an absolute sense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMq61fGUoEk
(barely related, but cool)
June 27th, 2011 - 13:22
Yeah, Todd, that was a statement of an idealistic hope. I don’t truly believe those things are going to actually disappear because of accountability groups. It’s a “process,” as I’ve stated, but not one I expect to be completed until Jesus comes back.
June 27th, 2011 - 13:08
Probably the best thing I took from the year-long internship at Grace came from the entrance interview.
“don’t let yourself get out on a branch by yourself; don’t isolate yourself… you’ll do great for a really long time and impress quite a few people…. and then you’ll fall off and ruin all the hard work you made… force yourself to be open with others as intimately as possible.”
Matt, i’d be interested to hear your take on electronic “accountability groups.”
also, accountability “groups” = accountability “partners”?
July 9th, 2011 - 23:28
I would like to add that a certain level of general acceptance of each other as people is important. My accountability partner will call a spade a spade if she needs to, but I know that if I confess whatever it is that I’ve done that I believe is so horrible, she will still love me deeply and our friendship will continue. It’s easy to believe the voices that tell you that whatever it is that you’ve done is so awful that everyone will hate you if they find out, so this makes a big difference in being able to say, “Okay, I messed up, I’m sorry about it, and now let’s figure out what I can do to make a better choice next time (and/or fix what I need to if I’ve broken relationships with someone when messing up).” (It is also important to avoid being judgmental as well. That doesn’t mean not calling a person on their decisions, but it does mean that everyone has to feel safe as a human being who is part of the group or partnership.)
Finding a way to keep focused is important also. It’s easy to drift off into other conversations or topics. That’s not always bad, but especially as a group gets larger it’s easy for things to become a social gathering and not an accountability group.
July 10th, 2011 - 19:07
Great points, Jackie! I’ve noticed in my own group that it helps to allot a few extra minutes at the beginning to catch up and chat a bit. Then we can focus on prayer and accountability knowing that we’ve already connected as friends.
November 5th, 2012 - 14:22
I’m considering starting an accountability group at my college and, at the request of and for, my church. I could use any pointers anyone is willing to give. Please send them to my email address. Thanks!
November 5th, 2012 - 15:06
Better yet, post them here… I’d rather not share my email address with the world. Thanks again!